youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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