there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
