did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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