Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
