Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
