Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
