Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
