I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think people are normalizing furries
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
