If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
