You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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