I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Non-Jews are for practice
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
