He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
