yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
