If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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