Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
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