I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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