I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
