The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
