So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
