please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
