I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
