Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize