Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
