THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
