Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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