I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
