Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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