I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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