No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
