tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
