Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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