Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
