My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
