it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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