She's JV to your varsity
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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