He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
