May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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