Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
