I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
