No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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