There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
