if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
another moral hangover. fuck.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
