someone owes me an orgasm
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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