Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize