Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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