Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
