I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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