im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
