I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize