No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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