i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
