i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
