dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
