Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
