I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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