i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
