No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
