btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
