Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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