Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
