You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
