Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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