What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
