Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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