Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
