its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
