I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
