Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
false alarm, still single
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