Nicole vs. Life
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
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