Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
