Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
