Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
