so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
