I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
