I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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