You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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